I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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