I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
