My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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