Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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