you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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