I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
