drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
