I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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