I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
