Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
