I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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