just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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