This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
