i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
