Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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