he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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