i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
