WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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