i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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