You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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