HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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