how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i now understand why vodka
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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