The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
