Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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