Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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