My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
