i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
