Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
These tits shall not be calmed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
