We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
