This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm really busy with my period
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