Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm always down for nudity.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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