we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
