I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
