My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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