TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
