I got chris browned last night
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
