Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
