Already got asked if we're dating
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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