I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
