Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
