Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
