We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
