Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
