i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
