In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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