Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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