a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
