I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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