Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i will never coherently bang her
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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