help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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