people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
