good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
