It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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