genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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