I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
