I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
