At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
